As I work my way through Revelations, I will be finishing my second reading of the Bible so it is not unfair to say that I have a pretty good understanding of God’s Word.   There is still A LOT to learn but, I understand the basics.  I  understand that God created man for Himself and to pour out His great love.  I understand that mankind chose and continues to choose its own way over God’s way forming the basis for sin.  I understand that the penalty of sin is death.  I understand that, although we created the problem, God created the solution for restoring us to a right relationship with Himself.  Through the death of Jesus my debt for sin has been paid and I am now a child of God.

Here is what I DON’T understand.  Why do I continue to do the things I know are not pleasing to God?  Just when I think I have overcome an area of weakness, I find a new one to take its place.  I feel so unworthy of God’s gift to me, and actually I am.  But because I know He has forgiven me in the past, it seems unimaginable that I should do anything less that what He wants.  BUT I DO!  And when I do, I am loathe to ask for forgiveness.  How dare I disparage the greatness of His mercy by my foolishness?  How dare I ask him to forgive me again when I am likely going to make the same mistake again (or at least a similar one)?  Am I the only one that deals with this?

My understanding of biblical doctrine tells me that when I mess up I should turn to God, confess my sin, and ask for his pardon.  On the other hand, my common sense tells me that I have no right to ask God for his forgiveness, help, or anything else after wiping my feet on what He has already given me.  My biblical understanding tells me I need to be with other believers in church.  I need to continue to pray and read God’s word.  My common sense says I am a hypocrite and there’s no need to pray because God won’t hear me.  And there’s no need to read His word, because I obviously can’t obey it.  And if I go to church, I will either show my hypocrisy by pretending I am without fault, or everyone there will look at me and know the depth of my sinfulness.

Now I ask all of you, what am I supposed to do?  I don’t mean to put you on the spot or scare you away.  But part of  what I have wanted to do with this blog is deal with what is important in life.  This is the most difficult post I have written to date, but I feel it is important.  I need answers and I believe there are others that need them too.  So please, if you care anything for me and my pain, let me know what I am to do.  Am I doomed to continually fail in my walk with God or is there hope yet?

Thank you to all who wish to to respond.  And I ask that you all pray for me.  I thank you for that as well.